It's tomorrow. He will leave. The court stuff with his kids is still up in the air, but he has to go anyways. It's the most depressing day I've ever experienced in my whole life. It's like we are walking around this ginormous house waiting for someone to die. The clock is ticking, hours are slipping and no one knows what to day or what to do........
I folded laundry, watered plants, burnt some of my brush pile.... all with tears streaming down my face. I look up and see him standing down the sidewalk, talking to the neighbor and I think....wow... how long before I ever see that again. I hear him laughing in the other room with the kids and I think.... will I even remember what that sounded like a year from now? I know... it's a year... just a year.... but that's just it... It's not a few days, it's not a month or a couple of weeks..... It's a year. Think to yourself how things in your life have changed since a year ago. Think about who you talked to then and who you spend time with now..... change is inevitable, especially in the face of absence. I'm scared to death. I'm strong, I can handle the day to day, the house, the kids, the bills, the yard. I do it all the time. I cannot handle him just not being there. I cannot handle the emotional side of this. It is heartbreaking, it is killing me.
He will miss all of the first big holidays in our new house...... our anniversary- only our third- heck, we are still newlyweds .... not that it ever mattered, but wow....so much....... so much time, so many days, so many weeks...... and I'm thoroughly depressed and emotionally distraught. Call it weak, call it a panic.... I don't even care.
No comments:
Post a Comment