Guardian........is this ship ever gonna come in or what?

I would think that deployment would come with its own set of standard stresses, but of course when has anything in this lifetime been typical for me. We should be worrying about him leaving, about how it will affect the children, how a year apart will be hard, blah blah blah.... but no...right now my main worry is the guardianship of his children.

We have to go in front of the judge and have guardianship decided. One would think that would be simple and standard, but for some reason, with 27 freaking days to go we cannot seem to get the judicial system to be moving along. We still do not have a court date. The safety and well-being of his children are up in the air. Is it making us crazy....You bet it is.

I'm  not going to go into the sorted details, some of you know already, and I'm sure later on down the road I will go into great detail as I'll be reminiscing over our beginnings, but as of right now, guardianship needs to be established for me and it hasn't been done and I'm tired of calling his lawyer everyday and letting them know that time is of the utmost importance here and that three children's future hangs in the balance, and that their dad is leaving in 27 god awful days and if this isn't taken care of pronto we are all going to flip shit like nobody's business!!!!!!!!

Fuck! Yep, only word that is appropriate at this stage of the game.

We've had custody- Jeff has- since Christmas Eve 2009. They haven't even seen their mother since November of last year. I would say that with everything ahead of us this year that it is in the best interest of these three children to remain in the stable home that they know. Keeping everything as normal (normal for us) as possible will make the next year as less tramautic as possible.

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. I feel like I cannot find any sort of peace. I feel so scrambled, upset, disgusted, angry.... you name it.

                                     See these kids... I do not see one mine, two his? One Bowersock, two Bells? I see my children.... no boundaries, no lines drawn, no divisions.... just my kids... not all of them of course, but still mine..... I am so stressed over the "what can happen," the "what can go wrong,".....it's all just too much somedays. I think if this court crap would find someway to figure itself out, I would at least have a sense of peace that my family will stay intact for the next year..... as close to intact as possible.

I know this is all rambling blah, but that is today for me. You might find the randomness of this blog too much to understand, but know that what I write, be it different from day to day, is still the truth. It's me that day. It's life that day. It's up, it's down, it's turning my whole world upside down so many times that I'm no longer able to figure out which way is up........